A letter to Shelby
Sweet Shelby...you have been deceived. Every month you write in and I read your prayer requests and my heart breaks a little because I can see where you're headed and it's a miserable, dangerous road you're on. I know because I walked that road a little...not when I was your age but later in life and it led to some of my biggest mistakes and hardest battles. There is this huge lie that gets preached to women (young and old) in this world that if you could only find the right guy everything would fall into place and you would be happy. Even our church and our parents can sometimes feed that lie without realizing it.
The truth is that the only person who will ever really make us happy is Jesus and if the devil can get us to replace Him with someone else, a boyfriend or husband maybe, then he wins and we lose our soul in the process. There is no "perfect guy" out there who God has created just for you. He created each of us for Himself, and although there might be someone out there who would compliment you well, Jesus is the only one who can complete you and give you peace. You say that you've tried Jesus and He's not working but I think that maybe you haven't really tried Him, you've just done the church stuff. And I think that maybe you feed this desperate desire for a boyfriend and sex with what you allow your mind to daydream about, and the books and movies you put into your head. I could be wrong. I could be totally off base, but my own experience has taught me that I can't get frustrated with Jesus for not making everything better when I spend more time pursuing my own lusts and dreams than I do Him.
I wish we could go get lunch or coffee and I could ask you some questions. Like what do you think about most? What kind of stories do you dwell on in your own time and do they preach something other than Jesus as the greatest love you will ever know? You (and a ton of other girls walking around today) have bought the lie that a physical relationship with a guy is better than an intimate relationship with Jesus and you said that you have already decided to sin when the opportunity presents itself. You said in one of your recent posts that you're planning on having sex before you get married because you think that's the only thing that will make you feel better, but before you actually do it I want to encourage you to change your mind and throw yourself completely at Jesus.
When I was in college I gave myself away cheaply to a guy who said all the right things and promised he would stick around forever...except he didn't. He just stuck around until he was tired of me and then moved on to someone else and I was left heartbroken and in worse shape than when he first came along. It took years for God to heal the damage that relationship caused and He's still working on some fears that took root because of that one rejection. Our hearts are not made to thrive on abandonment and unfaithfulness so when we give ourselves away to people who use us and then leave, it destroys us bit by bit and only Jesus can put back together what others have shattered. Why do you think God says over and over and over in the Bible that He's loving and faithful - that He'll never leave us or abandon us? It's because that's the kind of love we are created to run on and that's what we're all so desperately looking for. Any boy who will take advantage of that need in you for his own gain isn't acting out of love but out of selfishness and I promise it will end badly.
I know you're hurting and tired of it. I know that you want the pain to stop and for life to get better. Jesus is the only One who can do all that and more. He can give you a joy and peace that doesn't go away no matter what happens in your life and He's the only one who can honestly promise to be with you every step of the way. Please don't give up and give in to the lie you're believing, it will lead to more hurt and despair than you're dealing with now. Instead, try throwing out everything that stands between you and Jesus and start replacing the lies you're believing with the truth. Dig through your Bible and find everything God says about Himself and ask Him to help you believe it. And ask Him to show Himself to you...so you can see for yourself how amazing He is. The devil prowls around like a lion trying to destroy everyone he sees but God is so much bigger and stronger than him. Don't give up and remember you're not alone. There are a lot of us praying for you!
Love
Jamie









Comments (6)
Dear Shelby, I dont know how old you are but please listen to Jamie. I would like to recommend a couple of books for you before you make any decisions to give yourself away.
1. Lies young women believe (by Nancy Leigh DeMoss),
2. Self Talk Soul Talk.
I wish someone had told me of the price I would have to pay for selling myself short.
In Christ
Posted by Linda | November 2, 2009 7:34 PM
First off great article! I, like most/all girls out there, need to be reminded of this often! It's so easy to be sucked into thinking that a boyfriend or husband will fix everything, with the society that we live telling us that all the time. Thank you for taking the time to write this!!! We all need to hear it.
Posted by Cayly | November 2, 2009 7:41 PM
Jesus loves you Shelby. Live your all for him he will never lead you in the wrong way. Don't fall for the ways of the world. Jesus's ways are perfect. Throw yourself at God. I'll be praying for you and that god will put an example in your life that you can look up to and that Jesus will shine through to be a witness to you. Like I said, Jesus loves you more than anyone else.
For God so LOVED the world that he sent his only son to die and whoever believes in him will live forever with Him.
John 3:16
Posted by Joy | November 2, 2009 8:29 PM
Thank you for posting this, Jamie! I also gave myself away to a guy and lived with hurt, shame, and regret for years. I lost my virginity when I was 15 and it wasn't until I was 20 (5 years later!) that I was able to experience the relief of the feeling of complete restoration and peace.
Shelby, like Jamie said, Jesus is the Only One who will ever provide you with complete peace and who will NEVER leave you or hurt you. Earnestly seek Him with all of your heart during this time of difficulty in your life and I know He won't let you down.
Love,
Lindsay
Posted by Lindsay | November 2, 2009 11:12 PM
Jamie,
That was poignant, beautiful and straight from the heart. Thank you for speaking the truth in love to our young ladies. I am praying for Shelby to give it all to Jesus. You gave her a lot to think about and know it will penetrate her heart. Press on, sister.
Posted by Dana | November 3, 2009 12:03 PM
Amen! I believe all of that wholeheartedly! Please don't let yourself get caught up in a guy who will only love you for the physical and not for who you are truly! God has better plans even though you might not see it now. Pray, seek him, let him be your all before you make any decisions. You might find the answer to the hurt you've been feeling
Posted by Kayleen | November 3, 2009 6:58 PM